(no subject)

When I got home there was no Ice Cream Truck filled with Thai Hookers carrying Glenmorangie parked in my driveway.

I will be throwing a tantrum, alone in my room, with my sock monkey.

(no subject)

Happy Birthday, here's a UTI.
Go me.
*chugs cranberry juice and looks for antibiotics*

The better news.
I got a paper cutter that shoots LASER beams (John picks good presents), a bunch of roses, a large check, a purple sock monkey dishwasher, a D&G book and a dirty voice mail. "I am shaving my testicles and drawing lightning bolts down my dick with your name on it! It's all for you baby, I love you!" (not from John).