Good thing I didn't drink

[threemeninaboat]

Questions people ask you when you have an art opening:

Did you make that necklace? No, it's vintage 1940's.
Did you make you clothes? No, it's Dolce & Gabbana.
Are you drunk? No, I've had one glass of wine.
Where do you get the glass? Glass? It's paper.
Do you take drugs to make art? No. I don't take any recreational drugs. I don't like them.
Where did you go to art school? I didn't. My background is in medicine.
Who did you apprentice under? No one.
Where did you learn to make these? Self taught.
Is paper your only medium? I am a decent photographer and costume designer as well.
Where do your ideas come from? Quilts, rose windows in cathedrals, religious artifacts, crop circles, geometry.
How do you choose which colors go together? I don't know.
Where do you get all the paper? Coffee table books.
What are they coated in? Bar-top shellac.
How do you cut the shapes out? Scissors.
Why not exacto-knives? I tried that. I missed and cut myself. Scissors are safer.
Are these prints? No, they are all actual original pieces of art.