(no subject)

I was sleeping at 11 when Todd came over. I looked through the peep hole and he was waving a LARGE meat cleaver and pick ax menacingly at my door.
"Honey... you'll scared the neighbors...."
"It's okay, I told them I was only after the little toes. LOOK! It's high quality stainless steel! Wanna lick it? Let's have sex now!"
(I'm not all too sure how many other peoples foreplay and mating rituals involve tools of mass destruction)
"I'm bleeding and my tummy aches. I don't wanna have sex."
"It's okay, I like blood. What do you mean you don't wanna have sex? You always wanna have sex..."
"I'm really turned on by your tools and I appreciate it but I feel like shit. I'll give you a tub of vaseline, I'm going back to bed."
"I was even gonna take a shower... Can I watch the Young Ones and eat ice cream? That's the same as sex."
"Sure...."